I have to say goodbye to Arienette; I've said goodbye to Arienette.
Haligh was right in telling me this the entire time, but I can't keep chasing after someone who does not actually want me. I can't fight against her, or this situation. I knew this entire time that she didn't love me,...why couldn't I just accept this?
Things are changing, and I'm changing.
The Fevers need to stop. I have to consider what I really see in the Mirrors this time.
This morning I found myself in another dream. I was in a hall, and I heard footsteps. I followed the steps, and discovered a ballroom. Sunlight stretched like ivy over the floor, pushing away the darkness. The Shadows, who desire to take away beauty, run away as well. There is music playing. In the center, a tiny painted, porcelain Doll danced gracefully, innocently, and the world suddenly seems so small.
There are two chairs in front of the Doll. I sit down on the left, and Arienette appears on the right.
The strings in her skin appear in the sunlight, and I feel sorry for her...but she chose this, didn't she?
I reach into my pocket for her necklace, and give it to her.
I wave my hand and I say goodbye.
The vision washes away to reveal the layout of a car. I'm driving down a road, and Haligh is resting her head against my shoulder. She's crying, and I'm telling her that it's fine, it's fine.
I'm here to stay this time. The trees rejoice as we pass by them.
I'm optimistic,...we're going to defeat the Monsters, the Darkness.
We're going to replace that damn broken mirror.
We're going to relieve that hot fever inside.
We're going to reset each and every clock.
This is an Attempt to Tip the Scales.
Sunday, December 17, 2000
Monday, December 4, 2000
The Joy in Discovery
I'm hallucinating again, I'm dreaming again
i'm in a field of knee-high grass, I see Arienette
she was almost hidden in the thickness of it all
the sun burns above us in anger as i approach her
"Why are you laying in the grass, don't you want to be found?"
she looks up at me, and i see that she's crying
"No, I don't, go away before it's too late...." she moans.
the sun gets close, and the field around us starts to burn
"Please!" I say, "I can't let you go! Not just yet!!"
the sun burns away the invisible strings and the grass rots away
and I'm back in my room writing as fireworks go off
i'm in a field of knee-high grass, I see Arienette
she was almost hidden in the thickness of it all
the sun burns above us in anger as i approach her
"Why are you laying in the grass, don't you want to be found?"
she looks up at me, and i see that she's crying
"No, I don't, go away before it's too late...." she moans.
the sun gets close, and the field around us starts to burn
"Please!" I say, "I can't let you go! Not just yet!!"
the sun burns away the invisible strings and the grass rots away
and I'm back in my room writing as fireworks go off
Saturday, December 2, 2000
Something Vague
I'm living on my own now, in an apartment in the city.
I'm better, finally. I've spent the last week or so in a feverish nightmare, burning inside from what happened with Arienette. Every day, I spent it either in the bed, under the covers, trying to run away from the darkness, or with Haligh. When I was with Haligh, I felt better, but I still felt extremely empty....
Haligh took me away from one of the Monsters, who according to her, was trying to "merge" with my Key. Haligh doesn't know why she was trying to do that; probably for a power boost. If the Monster had succeeded in gaining the Key, it would have broken the Scales.
It was stupid of her to save me, really. Haligh has a "Key" inside of her too. She could have been assaulted by the Monster too. But she wasn't thinking ahead, just like how I never think ahead...
Haligh told me that she's been looking for me, just like how I have been looking for Arienette. She's been using the Key to look for me for almost up to 2 months...
She tells me there are 2 reasons why she's been looking for me.
1; she wants me to join this group that fights against The Fears.
2; she wants me.
She's apparently in love with me, and has been for a while.
This surprises me a bit; I don't know what to think, honestly.
Arienette's my one and only, but...I do feel some desire to be with Haligh.
Christ, it's so cold in this apartment.
Winter's back, and it's been snowing alot in this city.
I've been drinking alot again too.
I don't know what to do about Haligh. Furthermore, how do I save Arienette?
Haligh, with her tangled brown hair, her hazel eyes, her warm personality...
I'm so sick of writing in this journal.
Fevers, mirrors, scales; when I look into myself, I see these things.
I've been having this weird dream every night for the past few days.
It's more like a memory masquerading as a dream, though.
I'm on a bridge with my family, I'm standing on it, I'm looking down, I see a body in the water, I see my reflection, I see Padriac, I see a boy in a sailor suit, the bridge disappears, I'm falling and no one's there to catch me, I'm in the air like a fucking star, glowing in the dark, falling.
I see myself falling into Death's arms, and I find that it's Padriac, all grown up.
I say,
and says,
Haligh told me she thinks there's something inside of us both, other than the Keys.
I got to go. She wants to meet up again.
I'm better, finally. I've spent the last week or so in a feverish nightmare, burning inside from what happened with Arienette. Every day, I spent it either in the bed, under the covers, trying to run away from the darkness, or with Haligh. When I was with Haligh, I felt better, but I still felt extremely empty....
Haligh took me away from one of the Monsters, who according to her, was trying to "merge" with my Key. Haligh doesn't know why she was trying to do that; probably for a power boost. If the Monster had succeeded in gaining the Key, it would have broken the Scales.
It was stupid of her to save me, really. Haligh has a "Key" inside of her too. She could have been assaulted by the Monster too. But she wasn't thinking ahead, just like how I never think ahead...
Haligh told me that she's been looking for me, just like how I have been looking for Arienette. She's been using the Key to look for me for almost up to 2 months...
She tells me there are 2 reasons why she's been looking for me.
1; she wants me to join this group that fights against The Fears.
2; she wants me.
She's apparently in love with me, and has been for a while.
This surprises me a bit; I don't know what to think, honestly.
Arienette's my one and only, but...I do feel some desire to be with Haligh.
Christ, it's so cold in this apartment.
Winter's back, and it's been snowing alot in this city.
I've been drinking alot again too.
I don't know what to do about Haligh. Furthermore, how do I save Arienette?
Haligh, with her tangled brown hair, her hazel eyes, her warm personality...
I'm so sick of writing in this journal.
Fevers, mirrors, scales; when I look into myself, I see these things.
I've been having this weird dream every night for the past few days.
It's more like a memory masquerading as a dream, though.
I'm on a bridge with my family, I'm standing on it, I'm looking down, I see a body in the water, I see my reflection, I see Padriac, I see a boy in a sailor suit, the bridge disappears, I'm falling and no one's there to catch me, I'm in the air like a fucking star, glowing in the dark, falling.
I see myself falling into Death's arms, and I find that it's Padriac, all grown up.
I say,
But now I'm confused. Is this death really you?He looks at me
And do these dreams have any meaning?
and says,
No.The dream ends there, but as it fades away, I always find his image in my mind.
No, I think it's more like a ghost, that's been following us both.
Something vague that we're not seeing; something more like a feeling.
Haligh told me she thinks there's something inside of us both, other than the Keys.
I got to go. She wants to meet up again.
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